Recovery Tip: Recovery Is Not Based Just on Helping Others

One often hears in 12 Step recovery circles that "this is a 'We' " program, that "we can do together what I can't do alone." It is undeniably true that 12 Step recovery is based on the unique ability of one alcoholic or addict to help another. Also heard in 12 Step meetings, often from individuals in early recovery, is the declaration that helping other alcoholics or addicts is the cornerstone of their recovery. I have been reflecting on this emphasis on helping others, and have a few observations (solely my own opinion, of course). My concern is that the focus on helping others might distract the individual helping and the one helped from the primary result sought through 12 Step recovery, namely, a relationship with God, a Higher Power, or other source of spiritual strength.

Step 12, which is the principle underlying the action of helping other alcoholics or addicts, states unequivocally that "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics..." The clear emphasis is on developing a spiritual awakening based on application over time of the other 11 steps to one's recovery. So, my first point is that 12 Step work has a spiritual basis and focus. It, of course, feels good to help others and the supportive Fellowship of the 12 Step programs is vital in instilling hope and a feeling of belonging in the newcomer. Helping others develops a relationship between the person helping and the person helped. That relationship, though helpful to the helper and person helped, is not the ultimate relationship that is the goal of 12 Step recovery. The relationship that long term recovery depends upon is the relationship the individual develops with God, a Higher Power, or other source of spiritual strength.

In other words, both those who help the newcomer to recover and the newcomers who receive the help, need, in my view, to bear in mind that all of the energy expended by helper and the person helped is for the purpose of developing a relationship with God or other source of spiritual strength. The AA basic text, or, Big Book, states clearly that the alcoholic's recovery "... is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God ((Alcoholics Anonymous, Working with Others, pp. 99-100)."

As always, comments are invited. Jan Edward Williams, www.alcoholdrugsos.com, 04/24/2014.

Serenity Prayer: Tool for Emotional Health

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The Serenity Prayer is a well known spiritual tool used in 12 Step recovery whose origins are unclear. Most attribute the prayer to the Christian (Protestant) theologian, Rheinhold Niebuhr (Karl Paul Rheinhold Niebuhr, 1892-1971). Here is a long version of Niebuhr's prayer, with some Christian context:

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,Enjoying one moment at a time,Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,Taking, as Jesus did,This sinful world as it is,Not as I would have it,Trusting that You will make all things right,If I surrender to Your will,So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,And supremely happy with You forever in the next.Amen."

In any event, I heard an interpretation of the Serenity Prayer, I think from a Father Martin film (remember those things on reels?), that I have used for over 36 years as a tool for managing almost all life's realities. Here it is:

God (or other source of spiritual strength),
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change--Other people and many events;

Grant me the courage to change the things I can--Me, and how I react to other people and many events in my life.

In my experience, an individual always has the power to be in charge of how he/she reacts to life's problems. So, the goal is to seek the strength from God, a Higher Power, or other source of spiritual strength, to monitor one's emotional reactions and adopt a positive response., such as turning the problem over (Step 3 of the 12 Steps), sharing the problem with a trustworthy friend (perhaps a sponsor or other recovering person), or simply recognizing the problem or issue as one that needs to be accepted or put aside.

As always, comments are invited. Jan Edward Williams, www.alcoholdrugsos.com, 04/12/2014.

Can Feeling Unloveable as a Child Be a Setup for Addiction?

In a summary published in ScienceDaily for March 20, 2014, researchers reported that persons who abuse alcohol and other drugs may do so because of an insufficiency in the amounts of a hormone called oxytocin present in their bodies from childhood. The study was published in the international journal Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior.

Oxytocin, called the “love hormone”, is thought to be responsible for producing feelings of bonding, fellowship, and wellbeing. The hormone is involved in helping “*** humans [to be] more trusting toward one another [and may be] crucial to how [they] form and maintain romantic relationships. A handful of new studies show that oxytocin makes [individuals] more sympathetic, supportive and open with *** feelings (Scientific American).”

Research has also shown that oxytocin is involved in emotional pain, including development of anxiety and depression. “Oxytocin appears to be the reason stressful social situations, perhaps being bullied at school or tormented by a boss, reverberate long past the event and can trigger fear and anxiety in the future. *** If a social experience is negative or stressful, the hormone activates a part of the brain that intensifies the memory. Oxytocin also increases the susceptibility to feeling fearful and anxious during stressful events going forward (ScienceDaily)."

In the current study under discussion here, a researcher stated: “***some people's lack of resilience to addictive behaviors may be linked to poor development of their oxytocin systems."

"We know that newborn babies already have levels of oxytocin in their bodies, and this helps to create the all-important bond between a mother and her child. But our oxytocin systems aren't fully developed when we're born -- they don't finish developing until the age of three, which means our systems are potentially subject to a range of influences both external and internal***. “ The researcher theorized that: “***adversity in early life is key to the impaired development of the oxytocin system. This adversity could take the form of a difficult birth, disturbed bonding or abuse, deprivation, or severe infection, to name just a few factors.” These environmental influences can result in dysfunction of oxytocin development and production, which in turn can make the individual more vulnerable to addiction, perhaps in part due to the increased anxiety and depression, and a feeling of being unloveable.

So, we have more theories that may help explain why some individuals may be more prone than others to develop a drug or alcohol problem. It is important to emphasize here that while scientific theories may explain development of addiction, the individual seeking recovery from addiction must take personal responsibility for all of the pain and consequences caused by his/her behaviors while drinking or drugging. Failure to accept such responsibility can enable the individual to justify continued drug or alcohol use.

As always, comments are invited. Jan Edward Williams,www.alcoholdrugsos.com, 04/01/2014.